Interpersonal Relationship

How to Win Friends and Influence People.
This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

Table of Contents

1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or
Arousing Resentment

Part One:
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two:
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most
important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three:
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four:
Be a Leader; How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes
and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

The way to destiny

Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habit.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, they become destiny.

A few words spoken in anger can quickly destroy a long lasting relationship. For no matter how sorry you are thereafter, the memory of your barbed remarks may leave a lasting scar within the mind.

Impossible dreams made possible

In most sporting events, there is a break period called 'half time'. During this half time, players and their coach analyze their performance during the first half and how to better their performance in the last half. In this year, we have just gone through our first half (from January-June) and the first extra time. We are in the 2nd extra time which is a period to evaluate what you achieved in the first half. The mistakes you made and how you can rectify them to make the last half more fruitful than the first half. Be very honest with yourself in your self assessment. Be brutally honest and where you need to change, please do, because change is the only constant thing in this life. And if you have been having problems achieving an impossible dream in the last 6 months, this is how to: Achieve Your Impossible Dream in Life

Over and over again, we dream big dreams and have enormous aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that - dreams.

Life could be a great deal better, if only we learned to aspire higher. The most widespread difficulty in setting goals is the word impossible. For the most part people get hung up thinking I can't do this. It is too hard. It is unattainable. No one can do this. If everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human achievement.

Keep in mind that scientists were puzzled when they took a look at the unassuming bumblebee. In theory, they said, it was not possible for the bumblebee to fly. Fortunately for the bumblebee nobody has told it so. As a result fly it does.

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will in no way be able to break past what you consider not possible. If you reach excessively far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging to the impossible dream.

As you break up your dream into achievable steps, you will find out that the goals you thought were not possible become easier to bring about. And the not possible begins to seem possible after all.

Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to achieve his or her dreams there has to have been hard effort and discipline. But take note that, the one percent has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one.

Think big and work hard to accomplish those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the not possible has just become a little bit more possible.

Guide to Life

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the success while others struggle for years and never seem to get anywhere? Are you one of those who always seem to struggle? Everything you lay your hands on does not seem to work? Do you feel like even giving up on your dreams? Below are some hints on how you can become one of those who achieve success. But before I share those hints, I want to tell you deeply from my heart that you can also become a success. Those that are succeeding are human beings like you and I and if they have been successful, you can also be successful. Just take the following tips to heart and act on them.

Try stepping outside your comfort zone once in a while. Great things come to pass when you make friends with your discomfort zone. It's not going to be easy but if you can do it, it will be worth the effort. Josh Hinds says 'My friend, leaving one's comfort zone is no small chore! Trust me, I've learned this first hand. I can say that the outcome is always worth the effort.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. There is an old saying that people who haven't made mistakes haven't made anything. Make mistakes and learn from them. Remember, if you dont make mistakes, you will not grow. It is not the number of times you fall that matters, but how you get up after each fall. After all,'mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life (quote by Sophia Loren).

Be aware of any negative thoughts you hold about yourself - challenge them, are they really true, if so what is the evidence? Are you giving yourself a hard time? No wonder Jesus siad in the Bible, it is not what goes into man that makes him unclean, but what comes out from him. Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.) said: "Be vigilant; guard your mind against negative thoughts."

Make an effort to try and look on the bright side of things. Purposely find something positive about the issue and focus on that. You can almost always see another side of things. It just depends where your bias is. Monty Python (Creators and stars of the television comedy series Monty Python's Flying Circus.) said: "always look on the bright side of life."

Read some good uplifting books. But please don't just read, apply the information you have been exposed to. Success lies in the application of knowledge gained.

Train yourself to finish what you start. Follow through - you owe it to yourself and others. Your worst enemy is procrastination.

“It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish.
It’s not how you go, its how you land.
A hundred-to-one shot, they called him a klutz,
He can outrun the favor all he needs is the guts.

“Your final return will not diminish
And you can be the cream of the crop.
It’s not where you start it’s where you finish
And you’re gonna finish on top.”

“It’s Not Where You Start (It’s Where You Finish)” Lyrics by Dorothy Fields

Focus on the present moment. When you live in the past too much you stop living now, and when you think of the future too much, you give yourself heartache.

Learn what is important to you in life - is it love? Is it money? Is it your family? What do you love doing? Who/what makes you happy?

Realize that setbacks and knocks are just a normal part of life. If life were brilliant all the time we would take it for granted and not appreciate it. “Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.” (Henry Ford-American industrialist ).“ Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.”-(Les Brown-American Author and Motivational Speaker).

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to attain to your goals.

I hope I have been able to set you on the path of success from what I have shared here. Please reply if you found this post helpful.

Guide to Successful Living

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the success while others struggle for years and never seem to get anywhere? Are you one of those who always seem to struggle? Everything you lay your hands on does not seem to work? Do you feel like even giving up on your dreams? Below are some hints on how you can become one of those who achieve success. But before I share those hints, I want to tell you deeply from my heart that you can also become a success. Those that are succeeding are human beings like you and I and if they have been successful, you can also be successful. Just take the following tips to heart and act on them.

• Try stepping outside your comfort zone once in a while. Great things come to pass when you make friends with your discomfort zone. It's not going to be easy but if you can do it, it will be worth the effort. Josh Hinds says 'My friend, leaving one's comfort zone is no small chore! Trust me, I've learned this first hand. I can say that the outcome is always worth the effort.

• Don't be afraid to make mistakes. There is an old saying that people who haven't made mistakes haven't made anything. Make mistakes and learn from them. Remember, if you dont make mistakes, you will not grow. It is not the number of times you fall that matters, but how you get up after each fall. After all,'mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life (quote by Sophia Loren).

• Be aware of any negative thoughts you hold about yourself - challenge them, are they really true, if so what is the evidence? Are you giving yourself a hard time? No wonder Jesus siad in the Bible, it is not what goes into man that makes him unclean, but what comes out from him. Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.) said: "Be vigilant; guard your mind against negative thoughts."

• Make an effort to try and look on the bright side of things. Purposely find something positive about the issue and focus on that. You can almost always see another side of things. It just depends where your bias is. Monty Python (Creators and stars of the television comedy series Monty Python's Flying Circus.) said: "always look on the bright side of life."

• Read some good uplifting books. But please don't just read, apply the information you have been exposed to. Success lies in the application of knowledge gained.

• Train yourself to finish what you start. Follow through - you owe it to yourself and others. Your worst enemy is procrastination.
“It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish. It’s not how you go, its how you land. A hundred-to-one shot, they called him a klutz, He can outrun the favor all he needs is the guts.
“Your final return will not diminish And you can be the cream of the crop. It’s not where you start it’s where you finish And you’re gonna finish on top.”
“It’s Not Where You Start (It’s Where You Finish)” Lyrics by Dorothy Fields

• Focus on the present moment. When you live in the past too much you stop living now, and when you think of the future too much, you give yourself heartache.

• Learn what is important to you in life - is it love? Is it money? Is it your family? What do you love doing? Who/what makes you happy?

• Realize that setbacks and knocks are just a normal part of life. If life were brilliant all the time we would take it for granted and not appreciate it. “Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.” (Henry Ford-American industrialist ).“ Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.”-(Les Brown-American Author and Motivational Speaker).

• Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to attain to your goals.

I hope I have been able to set you on the path of success from what I have shared here. Please reply if you found this post helpful.

Training a child

I will like us to ponder this words that is attributed to one of the greatest president of America, Abraham Lincoln, which he wrote to his son’s teacher. This can be a guide to how we treat our children.
He will have to learn. I know that all men are not just, all men are not true. But, teach him also that for every scoundrel, there is a hero; that for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader. Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. Teach him that a dollar earned is of far more value than five pound. Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning. Steer him away from envy, if you can. Teach him secret of quite laughter. Teach him the wonder of book; but also give him quite time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill side.
In school, teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong. Teach him to be gentle with gentle people, and tough with tough people. Try to give him the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon. Teach him to listen to all men, but teach him also to filter all he learns on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through. Teach him how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to close his ears to howling mobs; and to stand and fight if he thinks he is right.
Treat him greatly, but do not cuddle him, because only the best of fire makes fine steel. Let him have courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in his creator and faith in himself too, because he will always have faith in mankind.
This is a big order, but please see what you can do. He is such a fine little fellow, my son!
Abraham Lincoln

Saying Yes

Saying yes. What does it have to do with success? Why am I writing on it? It's ironic that I am writing on saying yes as I initially wanted to write about saying no. You see, I've always been a stickler for saying no to so many things. I'm a bit reserved, so, it takes time for me to warm up to new ideas and new ways of doing things. But some recent circumstances have made me know that saying yes is a virtue if not overdone.

Wes Hopper also agrees in this article which he titles 'Say Yes.'

"I rarely let the word No
escape from my mouth
Because it is so plain to my soul
That God has shouted, Yes! Yes! Yes!
To every luminous moment in Existence"
Hafiz

Our mind has a predisposition to say No whenever a new idea pops up.

"No, that won't work for me."
"No, that's a bad idea."
"No, I couldn't possibly forgive her."

Today, count the times your mind says No, and look at what might happen if
you took charge and said YES.

"Yes, I can do that"
"Yes, I can help you out."
"Yes, that just might work!"
"Yes, I can and will forgive."

Could it be that the simple key to a more abundant life for you is in the simple exchange of No for Yes?

As the poet says, God shouts Yes in every moment. Join the chorus.

The secrets of life

I want to start this post with a question (What is the secret of life?) and probably an answer in the form of a quote:

"The secret of life, though, is to
fall seven times and to get up eight
times." — Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

Of late, I have been asking myself what the secret of life is and I want to share some of my findings with you.

1. The secret of life is a personal relationship with God. I don't see anybody succeeding without a close relationship with his or her maker. For any electronic product to be used successfully, it must be used according to the dictates of its maker or manufacturer (manual). So also we as human beings cannot achieve real success if we cut off any form of relationship with our maker." I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."(John 15:5).

2. Another secret of life is exposing yourself to information that will better your life. Read books, watch videos, listen to audio and attend seminars that will expose you to life-changing information." My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge"(Hosea 4:6). Seek knowledge, it pays, it transforms, it illuminates.

3. Yet the third secret is acting on the information you have been exposed to. The point is that you can read all the books you like, watch all the DVDs you like, attend all the courses and workshops you like, but unless you use the techniques you've learned and carry the peace you may have experienced with you into your everyday life, you're not going to experience spiritual, physical, material or any form of transformation. You might know more, but your life's going to stay pretty much the same as it always has been. It's not what you know that matters but what you do with what you know. So the time has come to stop reading and LIVE it instead. All I'm saying is: TAKE ACTION on what you've learnt so far in life! You may not feel like taking action, please force youself to, motivate yourself to take action by seeing the end result in your mind's eye. There's the aspect of discipline in our every day achievements. Discipline yourself and I tell you, you will achieve more of your life goals and desires.

4. In your quest to act on the information you have been exposed to, you will no doubt make mistakes but that should not deter you. Afterall, Thomas J. Watson (1874-1956) Founder, chairman & president of IBM says “If you want to succeed, double your failure rate.” If you fear failure, you are not ready to succeed. I know a failure can bring unexpected twists and turns. How you deal with failure is what will ultimately help you succeed in life. The question is: are you smart enough to learn from your mistakes? Are you courageous enough to get up and fight? At the end of the day, the COURAGE to conquer defeat is what you need. The courage to rise up and say, "even though I have failed this time, I'm not afraid to begin all over again with the lessons I have learnt from this experience." "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief."-(Proverbs 24:16).

I just hope I have been able to encourage you to achieve your dreams in life. I look forward to hearing from you! I don't claim to be a repository of knowledge on the above-subject matter so I welcome your comments on it, let's make this topic as interactive as possible. Hit the button to post your comment, we're all ears!

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"TO LOVE or TO HATE"

What choice to make "TO LOVE or TO HATE"

You can either fall in love or fall in hate. The choice is yours, but you’ll look a lot better with love on your psyche than hate.

As I started thinking about the haters of the world, a few days ago, I felt straight up anger for anyone who would show such hatred toward another person. The thought of one person treating another with so much hatred that it interfered with their life makes me see red.

Then I stepped back for a minute (out of the red) and realized that anger isn’t the appropriate response. Pity is.

Some few years back, my little dog, Escort was poisoned by an unknown person. The next morning when I saw him sick and take him to the Vat. clinic, my fears was confirmed when the doctor said that he was injected with a special kind of poison and they could not help it. My little Escort died some few hours later. I was furious and would have committed murder if I had find out who did it. I keep on wondering why in the whole wide world would anyone harm my little dog. The thought of anyone treating him with hatred or intolerance seems unthinkable to me. After all, he lived his own life and wouldn’t do anyone any harm. It took some month for me to heal that hurt.

I just don’t get why people have to involve themselves in what other people do or don’t do. Come on. If I can be blunt for a minute: If you aren’t invited into the party, what does it matter to you what goes on there?! You can agree or you can disagree with other people’s lifestyles, choices, habits, loves, hates, and so on. You’ve got that right – just as they can agree or disagree with yours.

You can like or dislike the way a person looks, dresses, or drinks their tea – just as they can have qualms with your style or looks.

We’re all different, after all, and we all have our way of doing things. What’s perfectly beautiful to one person may be a hot mess to another. Look at the different cultures around the world! People who expect everyone else to look just like them bore me to tears. I’m much more drawn to people who don’t just expect diversity in the world, they insist upon it.

If you experience hatred from others, for whatever reasons, realize that you have two choices:

1. You can be drug down to the hater’s level. If you aren’t careful, hatred can rub off on you and. Then, before you even realize what’s happening, you’ll be just as angry. You’ll become just as intolerant. And you’ll be filled with just as much hatred as they are. Believe me, it won’t look any better on you than it does on them. No one ever wears hatred well.
2. You can rise to a level the hater’s will never know. If you recognize their hatred for what it is (a crippling weakness), and find it within yourself to feel pity for them, you will have experienced the kind of growth that a hater will never know. Don’t return their scowls with scowls of your own – smile! Come on, give them the brightest, sweetest smile you have in your arsenal.

As for haters, there’s hope for them too. If you have any hate at all residing in your heart, recognize it for what it is: POISON. It’s a poison that will cripple you if you don’t find a way to get rid of it. Set the hatred across from you at your kitchen table and grill it. What has it ever done for you? Where has it gotten you? What friends has it won you?

What has it cost you? Has it ruined your reputation? Would people think of you as a hateful person?

Once you recognize the hatred in your heart, you’ll be well on your way to dealing with it.

I had always think about the importance of positive thoughts – whether I am at home, at work, chores, or where ever. Positive thoughts bring about positive actions and positive words. The same is true of negative thoughts. So, take the great advice of the second choice above, and keep a close eye on your thoughts.

You’ll have far less apologies to make and far less life's regret if you do.

the meaning of life

I am highly technical, analytical, with good planning and organizing skills, I love to maintain sound integrity.